Sabrina Facts
by SpyHunter29
Summary: A series of jokes/facts about the Gym Leader Sabrina, done in the style of Chuck Norris facts.


Sabrina aka Natsume is from Pokémon, © and TM 1996 2009 Nintendo / Game Freak / The Pokémon Company / S. Tajiri / K. Sugimori.

The following is a list of jokes/facts about the Gym Leader Sabrina, done in the style of Chuck Norris facts. This list will be continuously (or at least repeatedly) updated.

* * *

1. Sabrina does not really float. The ground simply backs away from her in fear.

2. Sabrina does not really bend spoons with telekinesis. They bend themselves out of fear.

3. Sabrina does not read books. She reads their minds until she gets the information she needs.

4. There is no theory of evolution; just a list of Pokémon Sabrina lets live.

5. There are no gays – only men who have never seen Sabrina.

6. One time, Sabrina and a man were having sex in a car, when one of her egg cells got into the gas tank. That car is now the Bugatti Veyron.

7. Sabrina was fired from the Psychic Hotline for always predicting pain. She wasn't joking.

8. It is theorized that the only thing that can block a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is a psychic barrier set up by Sabrina. Unfortunately, the transfer of energy from such a parry would be enough to destroy the universe.

9. It is theorized that the only thing that can block a Falcon Punch is a psychic barrier set up by Sabrina. Unfortunately, the transfer of energy from such a parry would be enough to destroy the universe.

10. Sabrina could win a battle without using any Pokémon. She just doesn't want to lose her Gym Leader license.

11. Sabrina is an incarnation of C.C.

12. Haruhi Suzumiya has no real power to change the world around her. It all comes from Sabrina.

13. Sabrina can read Lady Gaga's poker face.

14. When her episodes of _Pokémon_ was aired in Italy, the Italians surrendered just to be on the safe side.

15. Sabrina doesn't play god. She doesn't want to risk anyone breaking the First Commandment.

16. Sabrina created the ending of _Metal Gear Solid 2_ as revenge for Psycho Mantis showing her up.

17. Sabrina created the _Pokémon Mystery Dungeon_ games as revenge for the Dark- and Steel-type Pokémon taking away her tactical advantage.

18. Sabrina created the "Endless Eight" episodes of _The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya_ as revenge for Itsuki Koizumi showing her up. Unfortunately, no one told her that his powers aren't like that.

19. Sabrina caused the Siegfried & Roy tiger-bite incident as revenge for them making a mockery out of true magic.

20. JESUS CHRIST IT'S SABRINA GET IN THE CAR

21. In a 1998 episode of _The Late Show_, David Letterman did a Top 10 where all the entries were simply "Sabrina".

22. Sabrina liked to cannonball dive into the ocean. Once California reported an alarming surge in tidal wave occurrences, she stopped.

23. Sabrina can win a staring contest with Magibon.

24. Two girls once made a bet that Sabrina would lose a Pokémon battle. They lost. They are now the stars of the "2 Girls 1 Cup" video.

25. It is in fact Sabrina's eye that is on the back of the US $1 bill. She is all-seeing.

26. There's a reason why Chuck Norris, Mr. T., and Vin Diesel don't train Pokémon.

27. Actually, Vin Diesel used to be a Pokémon trainer. He lost his hair and quit as a result of losing a battle with Sabrina.

28. Chuck Norris was the leader of the Fighting-type Gym in Saffron City. He moved out the same day Sabrina moved in.

29. If you saw Sabrina naked, you'd have to put your wang in a wheelchair.

30. There were in fact weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, but Sabrina stole them to keep Saddam Hussein in check.

31. The true identity of Master Chief is Sabrina.

32. The true identity of Deep Throat is Sabrina. She chose W. Mark Felt as a random scapegoat.

33. Sabrina lives in Russia. How else can you explain the fact that neither Napoleon nor Hitler has successfully been able to invade the country?

34. The true debate over the origin of the universe is whether the Big Bang was caused by Sabrina having an orgasm or just faking one.

35. Everyone's loli for Sabrina.

36. The reason why Mr. T. pities fools all the time is because Sabrina has owned so many people.

37. Sabrina sleeps by hanging from her feet from the ceiling. This may be the reason why she cannot be killed by conventional weaponry.

38. The last thing Kurt Cobain did before committing suicide was have a Pokémon battle with Sabrina. Guess who won.

39. It is a Japanese superstition that whenever you sneeze, Sabrina is reading your mind.

40. Ken Jennings won on Jeopardy because Sabrina was feeding all the questions into his mind. She was out sick on the 75th day.

41. In 1993, Prince challenged Sabrina to a Pokémon battle and lost. He was so ashamed that he changed his name to the Love Symbol. It got rather counter-productive, however, when everyone started calling him "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince".

42. Sabrina once ate a Poké Ball. Later that day, a Master Ball was found in her toilet.

43. Sabrina can solve a Rubik's Cube in one move.

44. Sabrina has all the powers of Yuki Nagato, with the added benefit that she has not been given orders to simply "observe".

45. Sabrina can escape from a Master Ball.

46. Sabrina is the world's greatest _Guitar Hero_ player. Activision put "Through the Fire and Flames" into one of the games as an attempt to finally take her down. They failed miserably.

47. Sabrina will answer any question if asked three times in a row. However, everyone who has attempted to do so has been mind-raped before completing the process.

48. Sabrina is completely immune to Candlejack attac

49. Sabrina is completely immune to the Hypnotoad's effALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

50. Sabrina can shoop da whoop.

51. Sabrina can eat both ends of a chocolate coronet at the same time, thus ending the debate once and for all.


End file.
